When Size 'Does' Matter... Oh, and a breakdancing mishap (This video 'will' make you wince...)

It was not my intention to have two sexually themed posts in a row, but I just have to write about this... My really good friend Michelle (That's not her name... I sort of have to keep her identity private) is in a predicament, and I'm not too sure how to help her out...

I should tell you about my girl Michelle... I've known Michelle for as long as I've been in this country... Over the years, she and I have built a friendship that's been able to withstand pretty much everything and anything. She's single handedly 'the' closest person to me over here, and we have little or no secrets between us... Her story however, is a little cliche... She seems to have terrible luck when it comes to men. All the men she's been with have been selfish, useless, and have treated her and her kids like crap... Where I've pretty much had two long term relationships in the past years, she's been unfortunate enough to go through a string of bums... Till now.

Michelle met this dude (We'll call him... 'Jason') about six or seven months ago. When she first told me about him, I gave her the usual 'pep talk' and advice then just waited to see how things would go... Well, it turned out that she'd actually hit Jackpot this time... Jason appeared to be the real deal. He was caring, attentive and sensitive...He cared about her and her kids, and helped her with pretty much anything she needed help with... he was also really devoted. At first, I was a little skeptical (I'm very protective of her), but as time went on, I came to warm to him and finally consider the possibility that my best friend had found 'the one'.

Anyway, shortly after they'd been together, Michelle called me really upset late one night... She wasn't crying or anything...she was just 'bothered'... When I asked what was wrong, she told me that she and Jason had had sex for the first time...

Me: Oh...

'Chelle: Yeah... Monie... It was TERRIBLE! He's tiny!!

Me: Damn!... That's messed up... *starting to laugh* He can't be that bad though, no?

'Chelle: Monie, I've NEVER seen anything that little before... I couldn't freaking believe it! He's minute!

Me: Woooow! *laugh*.. My bad... Dang.. Well... size apart, how'd he do?

'Chelle: How'd he do? He was worse than bad!! It'd be one thing if he could work it, but he can't! Dude lasted all of a minute or two, and I couldn't even freaking feel him! He had the 'nerve' to ask 'how it was'!! aaarrrghhh!

Me: LOL! What'd you say?

'Chelle: What'd you think I said...? I said it was good! Oh my God... what am I going to do??!! There is NO WAY that I can deal with that... He's nice and all, but come on!!! That was freaking pathetic! No wonder he was freaking single!...

Me: *Laughing hysterically*

'Chelle: You need to stop laughing 'cause its not funny... Its just my luck. The first decent man I meet has a freaking thumb for a penis! *sigh*... wow... I've never seen anything like that before... he kept falling out and everything! I can't remember the last time in my life I had to fake an orgasm... HOW could he even think he was good???!! HOW could he not know??!!

Me: *laughing even harder*

'Chelle: Monie, STOP FREAKING LAUGHING!!! ITS NOT FUNNY!!!

I stopped laughing when I heard the seriousness in her tone... She wasn't playing.... I didn't really know what to tell her so I gave her the usual cliche advice that one gives in a situation like that... "Well.. its only your first time... give it a little bit, maybe he'll get better"... that was like four months ago and Jason has not gotten better yet...

Well, Michelle started seeing someone on the side very shortly after... He's a 'friend with benefits', and their relationship is very clearly defined to them both... Its all about sex... Nothing more, nothing less... She sees him during the day when she gets out of work, and sees Jason at night when he gets out of work... Its not my intention to give you the wrong impression here; She feels VERY badly about this... She's also terrified that Jason will find out...If you're wondering if she's doing them both at the same time, she kinda is... Although she no longer sleeps with Jason as often as she used to (or he'd like), she occasionally runs out of excuses and has to give in...

We talk about all these things quite often... She tends to call me when she's feeling really guilty about a particularly nice 'romp' with the side buddy... She doesn't know what to do, and constantly asks me for advice... I have no clue what to say to her besides "You need to break up with Jason"... She knows that this is the right thing to do, but hesitates because she really does love him... How can she love him and still cheat on him, you ask...? *sigh*... It's not hard... Although I don't agree with what she's doing at all, I feel bad for her... She's right... All these years, she's gone from one asshole to the other, and when she finally finds one who actually cares, he's packing about as much as a prepubescent teenager...

What then to do..? I know a lot of people are probably thinking "Well, relationships aren't all about sex", but lets admit that if you're in a sexually active relationship, its VERY important that each person is satisfied... yes? I mean, nice or not, who would want to be in a relationship with someone who can't handle business...? Some people say "Its not the size of the package...it's how the package is handled", but what if the 'package handler' is terrible? How does one cope with that...? Are you expected to grit your teeth and deal with it or do you do what she's doing...? Before she started with the other dude, she went and bought herself a dildo with the hopes that she'd get some satisfaction from that, and not have to cheat... Turns out that it didn't work...

So now my girl is dealing with tons of issues... Being that sex aside, Jason is a great guy who's doing more for her and her kids by the day, she's having to deal with constant guilt about what she's doing... She's also terrified that he'll find out and not only would they break up, but she'll do irreparable damage to his heart... Her conscience keeps losing the battle against her desires and she now finds herself in this cycle of deceit that she can't seem to get out of... She tells one lie to cover the other and another to cover the last... This isn't one of those situations that 'gets better' either... He's not all of a sudden going to grow a longer or larger penis... He's not all of a sudden going to learn new moves to stun her with...From what I understand, I don't even think that it'd matter what moves he learns...

I guess it explains why he's so great a guy... What he lacks in size, he makes up in heart... (sheesh, that was corny!)... So...? Any ideas for my girl, anyone...? I'll be honest and admit that I'm being terribly partial and hypocritical here. If this was anyone else, I wouldn't be so tolerant or understanding...I'd give my "A cheat is a cheat is a cheat" speech, and accuse her of trying to eat her cake and have it... Don't get me wrong, she knows I don't approve... she knows I think its wrong.. Still though... you know? Anyway, has anyone had to deal with something like this before...? What to do..? Soul, Olawunmi, Dilch... bloggers.. Your words of wisdom are greatly needed!


Ok... Quick Edit:

After I picked Jacob up tonight, I had to run by to see a friend of mine really quick... We were standing in her kitchen talking when I heard about male voices go "OH!!!" really loud. The voices came from the basement (which is also a den) so I assumed her brother and his friends were downstairs playing video games or something... Being that I'm pretty good friends with him, I figured I'd go downstairs to say hi... As I headed down the stairs, I heard them all yell again... Twice... When I walked into the basement, rather than seeing them playing video games like I'd expected, I found all six of them huddled around a laptop...

It was whatever they were watching that was causing the yells...I elbowed my way to the front so I could see what they were looking it, and it turned out that they were watching this clip on youtube... I have to warn you...It's almost painful to watch... I've winced, groaned, or made some sort of exclamation every time I've seen this clip... That child's mother should be beaten for letting go... OUCH!