It's 11:10 PM and about five minutes ago whilst I was standing in my sleeping son's room quietly getting his clothes ready for tomorrow, I was startled to high heavens by him (still fast asleep) yelling out the words: "Chaos Control!"... He actually drew it out, so it sounded more like "Chaaaooos Controool!"... I was still standing there in shock trying to calm my rattled nerves when he hit me with: "No Sonic, I'm OK. You save Maria!!"
What the heck?... These freaking cartoons, I swear..
PS:
It's a good day in blog world. Isaac's here and he brought the Burning Building with him.... :-)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Providence
Its 1:29 am, and I'm lying on my bed with my laptop about to watch 'Half Nelson'. I don't usually do this; bring my laptop to my room. I try to keep it on my desk because of Jacob, but it's been in here for most of the weekend... Anyway, here I am lying on my bed... Watching the last bit of Law & Order: CI before I play my movie... It's dead quiet in this room right now... I've been watching the show with the sound muted and closed caption on for its entire duration... (I do that... Its fun ..)
Anyway, I find myself suddenly writing this because a few minutes ago, a word used very randomly in the dialogue sent a very sudden, yet piercing thought through my mind... It wasn't anything profound or groundbreaking.. It was a simple thought, actually. With that thought came a very sudden comprehension of a word that I use so often the meaning of it had lost all significance to me...
I live in Providence, RI... "Providence..."
prov·i·dence –noun
1. the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2. God, esp. when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.
3. a manifestation of divine care or direction.
4. provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
5. foresight; provident care.
... It's a good thing.. I don't know why I suddenly feel like this. I've lived here for the past eight years and have never given a second thought to the name of the city or its definition. Why it's struck me right this minute I don't know, but I'm feeling pretty good right now.... I have a warm feeling on 'the inside'... Hey who knows? Maybe it's the mood I've been lately... Maybe it's the atmosphere in the house... It's really quiet and chill right now... All the lights are out save my bedside lamp, and that's quite dim... My windows are wide open and all I hear on the outside is the wind and the water... even the annoying geese are quiet right now.... No cars even. Peaceful and Blessed... That's how I'm feeling... Peaceful... Blessed... Reassured.. Grateful... It's definitely a good thing....
I'm going to watch my movie now... You have a good night... :=)
Anyway, I find myself suddenly writing this because a few minutes ago, a word used very randomly in the dialogue sent a very sudden, yet piercing thought through my mind... It wasn't anything profound or groundbreaking.. It was a simple thought, actually. With that thought came a very sudden comprehension of a word that I use so often the meaning of it had lost all significance to me...
I live in Providence, RI... "Providence..."
prov·i·dence –noun
1. the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2. God, esp. when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.
3. a manifestation of divine care or direction.
4. provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
5. foresight; provident care.
... It's a good thing.. I don't know why I suddenly feel like this. I've lived here for the past eight years and have never given a second thought to the name of the city or its definition. Why it's struck me right this minute I don't know, but I'm feeling pretty good right now.... I have a warm feeling on 'the inside'... Hey who knows? Maybe it's the mood I've been lately... Maybe it's the atmosphere in the house... It's really quiet and chill right now... All the lights are out save my bedside lamp, and that's quite dim... My windows are wide open and all I hear on the outside is the wind and the water... even the annoying geese are quiet right now.... No cars even. Peaceful and Blessed... That's how I'm feeling... Peaceful... Blessed... Reassured.. Grateful... It's definitely a good thing....
I'm going to watch my movie now... You have a good night... :=)
Thursday, May 24, 2007
When Size 'Does' Matter... Oh, and a breakdancing mishap (This video 'will' make you wince...)
It was not my intention to have two sexually themed posts in a row, but I just have to write about this... My really good friend Michelle (That's not her name... I sort of have to keep her identity private) is in a predicament, and I'm not too sure how to help her out...
I should tell you about my girl Michelle... I've known Michelle for as long as I've been in this country... Over the years, she and I have built a friendship that's been able to withstand pretty much everything and anything. She's single handedly 'the' closest person to me over here, and we have little or no secrets between us... Her story however, is a little cliche... She seems to have terrible luck when it comes to men. All the men she's been with have been selfish, useless, and have treated her and her kids like crap... Where I've pretty much had two long term relationships in the past years, she's been unfortunate enough to go through a string of bums... Till now.
Michelle met this dude (We'll call him... 'Jason') about six or seven months ago. When she first told me about him, I gave her the usual 'pep talk' and advice then just waited to see how things would go... Well, it turned out that she'd actually hit Jackpot this time... Jason appeared to be the real deal. He was caring, attentive and sensitive...He cared about her and her kids, and helped her with pretty much anything she needed help with... he was also really devoted. At first, I was a little skeptical (I'm very protective of her), but as time went on, I came to warm to him and finally consider the possibility that my best friend had found 'the one'.
Anyway, shortly after they'd been together, Michelle called me really upset late one night... She wasn't crying or anything...she was just 'bothered'... When I asked what was wrong, she told me that she and Jason had had sex for the first time...
Me: Oh...
'Chelle: Yeah... Monie... It was TERRIBLE! He's tiny!!
Me: Damn!... That's messed up... *starting to laugh* He can't be that bad though, no?
'Chelle: Monie, I've NEVER seen anything that little before... I couldn't freaking believe it! He's minute!
Me: Woooow! *laugh*.. My bad... Dang.. Well... size apart, how'd he do?
'Chelle: How'd he do? He was worse than bad!! It'd be one thing if he could work it, but he can't! Dude lasted all of a minute or two, and I couldn't even freaking feel him! He had the 'nerve' to ask 'how it was'!! aaarrrghhh!
Me: LOL! What'd you say?
'Chelle: What'd you think I said...? I said it was good! Oh my God... what am I going to do??!! There is NO WAY that I can deal with that... He's nice and all, but come on!!! That was freaking pathetic! No wonder he was freaking single!...
Me: *Laughing hysterically*
'Chelle: You need to stop laughing 'cause its not funny... Its just my luck. The first decent man I meet has a freaking thumb for a penis! *sigh*... wow... I've never seen anything like that before... he kept falling out and everything! I can't remember the last time in my life I had to fake an orgasm... HOW could he even think he was good???!! HOW could he not know??!!
Me: *laughing even harder*
'Chelle: Monie, STOP FREAKING LAUGHING!!! ITS NOT FUNNY!!!
I stopped laughing when I heard the seriousness in her tone... She wasn't playing.... I didn't really know what to tell her so I gave her the usual cliche advice that one gives in a situation like that... "Well.. its only your first time... give it a little bit, maybe he'll get better"... that was like four months ago and Jason has not gotten better yet...
Well, Michelle started seeing someone on the side very shortly after... He's a 'friend with benefits', and their relationship is very clearly defined to them both... Its all about sex... Nothing more, nothing less... She sees him during the day when she gets out of work, and sees Jason at night when he gets out of work... Its not my intention to give you the wrong impression here; She feels VERY badly about this... She's also terrified that Jason will find out...If you're wondering if she's doing them both at the same time, she kinda is... Although she no longer sleeps with Jason as often as she used to (or he'd like), she occasionally runs out of excuses and has to give in...
We talk about all these things quite often... She tends to call me when she's feeling really guilty about a particularly nice 'romp' with the side buddy... She doesn't know what to do, and constantly asks me for advice... I have no clue what to say to her besides "You need to break up with Jason"... She knows that this is the right thing to do, but hesitates because she really does love him... How can she love him and still cheat on him, you ask...? *sigh*... It's not hard... Although I don't agree with what she's doing at all, I feel bad for her... She's right... All these years, she's gone from one asshole to the other, and when she finally finds one who actually cares, he's packing about as much as a prepubescent teenager...
What then to do..? I know a lot of people are probably thinking "Well, relationships aren't all about sex", but lets admit that if you're in a sexually active relationship, its VERY important that each person is satisfied... yes? I mean, nice or not, who would want to be in a relationship with someone who can't handle business...? Some people say "Its not the size of the package...it's how the package is handled", but what if the 'package handler' is terrible? How does one cope with that...? Are you expected to grit your teeth and deal with it or do you do what she's doing...? Before she started with the other dude, she went and bought herself a dildo with the hopes that she'd get some satisfaction from that, and not have to cheat... Turns out that it didn't work...
So now my girl is dealing with tons of issues... Being that sex aside, Jason is a great guy who's doing more for her and her kids by the day, she's having to deal with constant guilt about what she's doing... She's also terrified that he'll find out and not only would they break up, but she'll do irreparable damage to his heart... Her conscience keeps losing the battle against her desires and she now finds herself in this cycle of deceit that she can't seem to get out of... She tells one lie to cover the other and another to cover the last... This isn't one of those situations that 'gets better' either... He's not all of a sudden going to grow a longer or larger penis... He's not all of a sudden going to learn new moves to stun her with...From what I understand, I don't even think that it'd matter what moves he learns...
I guess it explains why he's so great a guy... What he lacks in size, he makes up in heart... (sheesh, that was corny!)... So...? Any ideas for my girl, anyone...? I'll be honest and admit that I'm being terribly partial and hypocritical here. If this was anyone else, I wouldn't be so tolerant or understanding...I'd give my "A cheat is a cheat is a cheat" speech, and accuse her of trying to eat her cake and have it... Don't get me wrong, she knows I don't approve... she knows I think its wrong.. Still though... you know? Anyway, has anyone had to deal with something like this before...? What to do..? Soul, Olawunmi, Dilch... bloggers.. Your words of wisdom are greatly needed!
Ok... Quick Edit:
After I picked Jacob up tonight, I had to run by to see a friend of mine really quick... We were standing in her kitchen talking when I heard about male voices go "OH!!!" really loud. The voices came from the basement (which is also a den) so I assumed her brother and his friends were downstairs playing video games or something... Being that I'm pretty good friends with him, I figured I'd go downstairs to say hi... As I headed down the stairs, I heard them all yell again... Twice... When I walked into the basement, rather than seeing them playing video games like I'd expected, I found all six of them huddled around a laptop...
It was whatever they were watching that was causing the yells...I elbowed my way to the front so I could see what they were looking it, and it turned out that they were watching this clip on youtube... I have to warn you...It's almost painful to watch... I've winced, groaned, or made some sort of exclamation every time I've seen this clip... That child's mother should be beaten for letting go... OUCH!
I should tell you about my girl Michelle... I've known Michelle for as long as I've been in this country... Over the years, she and I have built a friendship that's been able to withstand pretty much everything and anything. She's single handedly 'the' closest person to me over here, and we have little or no secrets between us... Her story however, is a little cliche... She seems to have terrible luck when it comes to men. All the men she's been with have been selfish, useless, and have treated her and her kids like crap... Where I've pretty much had two long term relationships in the past years, she's been unfortunate enough to go through a string of bums... Till now.
Michelle met this dude (We'll call him... 'Jason') about six or seven months ago. When she first told me about him, I gave her the usual 'pep talk' and advice then just waited to see how things would go... Well, it turned out that she'd actually hit Jackpot this time... Jason appeared to be the real deal. He was caring, attentive and sensitive...He cared about her and her kids, and helped her with pretty much anything she needed help with... he was also really devoted. At first, I was a little skeptical (I'm very protective of her), but as time went on, I came to warm to him and finally consider the possibility that my best friend had found 'the one'.
Anyway, shortly after they'd been together, Michelle called me really upset late one night... She wasn't crying or anything...she was just 'bothered'... When I asked what was wrong, she told me that she and Jason had had sex for the first time...
Me: Oh...
'Chelle: Yeah... Monie... It was TERRIBLE! He's tiny!!
Me: Damn!... That's messed up... *starting to laugh* He can't be that bad though, no?
'Chelle: Monie, I've NEVER seen anything that little before... I couldn't freaking believe it! He's minute!
Me: Woooow! *laugh*.. My bad... Dang.. Well... size apart, how'd he do?
'Chelle: How'd he do? He was worse than bad!! It'd be one thing if he could work it, but he can't! Dude lasted all of a minute or two, and I couldn't even freaking feel him! He had the 'nerve' to ask 'how it was'!! aaarrrghhh!
Me: LOL! What'd you say?
'Chelle: What'd you think I said...? I said it was good! Oh my God... what am I going to do??!! There is NO WAY that I can deal with that... He's nice and all, but come on!!! That was freaking pathetic! No wonder he was freaking single!...
Me: *Laughing hysterically*
'Chelle: You need to stop laughing 'cause its not funny... Its just my luck. The first decent man I meet has a freaking thumb for a penis! *sigh*... wow... I've never seen anything like that before... he kept falling out and everything! I can't remember the last time in my life I had to fake an orgasm... HOW could he even think he was good???!! HOW could he not know??!!
Me: *laughing even harder*
'Chelle: Monie, STOP FREAKING LAUGHING!!! ITS NOT FUNNY!!!
I stopped laughing when I heard the seriousness in her tone... She wasn't playing.... I didn't really know what to tell her so I gave her the usual cliche advice that one gives in a situation like that... "Well.. its only your first time... give it a little bit, maybe he'll get better"... that was like four months ago and Jason has not gotten better yet...
Well, Michelle started seeing someone on the side very shortly after... He's a 'friend with benefits', and their relationship is very clearly defined to them both... Its all about sex... Nothing more, nothing less... She sees him during the day when she gets out of work, and sees Jason at night when he gets out of work... Its not my intention to give you the wrong impression here; She feels VERY badly about this... She's also terrified that Jason will find out...If you're wondering if she's doing them both at the same time, she kinda is... Although she no longer sleeps with Jason as often as she used to (or he'd like), she occasionally runs out of excuses and has to give in...
We talk about all these things quite often... She tends to call me when she's feeling really guilty about a particularly nice 'romp' with the side buddy... She doesn't know what to do, and constantly asks me for advice... I have no clue what to say to her besides "You need to break up with Jason"... She knows that this is the right thing to do, but hesitates because she really does love him... How can she love him and still cheat on him, you ask...? *sigh*... It's not hard... Although I don't agree with what she's doing at all, I feel bad for her... She's right... All these years, she's gone from one asshole to the other, and when she finally finds one who actually cares, he's packing about as much as a prepubescent teenager...
What then to do..? I know a lot of people are probably thinking "Well, relationships aren't all about sex", but lets admit that if you're in a sexually active relationship, its VERY important that each person is satisfied... yes? I mean, nice or not, who would want to be in a relationship with someone who can't handle business...? Some people say "Its not the size of the package...it's how the package is handled", but what if the 'package handler' is terrible? How does one cope with that...? Are you expected to grit your teeth and deal with it or do you do what she's doing...? Before she started with the other dude, she went and bought herself a dildo with the hopes that she'd get some satisfaction from that, and not have to cheat... Turns out that it didn't work...
So now my girl is dealing with tons of issues... Being that sex aside, Jason is a great guy who's doing more for her and her kids by the day, she's having to deal with constant guilt about what she's doing... She's also terrified that he'll find out and not only would they break up, but she'll do irreparable damage to his heart... Her conscience keeps losing the battle against her desires and she now finds herself in this cycle of deceit that she can't seem to get out of... She tells one lie to cover the other and another to cover the last... This isn't one of those situations that 'gets better' either... He's not all of a sudden going to grow a longer or larger penis... He's not all of a sudden going to learn new moves to stun her with...From what I understand, I don't even think that it'd matter what moves he learns...
I guess it explains why he's so great a guy... What he lacks in size, he makes up in heart... (sheesh, that was corny!)... So...? Any ideas for my girl, anyone...? I'll be honest and admit that I'm being terribly partial and hypocritical here. If this was anyone else, I wouldn't be so tolerant or understanding...I'd give my "A cheat is a cheat is a cheat" speech, and accuse her of trying to eat her cake and have it... Don't get me wrong, she knows I don't approve... she knows I think its wrong.. Still though... you know? Anyway, has anyone had to deal with something like this before...? What to do..? Soul, Olawunmi, Dilch... bloggers.. Your words of wisdom are greatly needed!
Ok... Quick Edit:
After I picked Jacob up tonight, I had to run by to see a friend of mine really quick... We were standing in her kitchen talking when I heard about male voices go "OH!!!" really loud. The voices came from the basement (which is also a den) so I assumed her brother and his friends were downstairs playing video games or something... Being that I'm pretty good friends with him, I figured I'd go downstairs to say hi... As I headed down the stairs, I heard them all yell again... Twice... When I walked into the basement, rather than seeing them playing video games like I'd expected, I found all six of them huddled around a laptop...
It was whatever they were watching that was causing the yells...I elbowed my way to the front so I could see what they were looking it, and it turned out that they were watching this clip on youtube... I have to warn you...It's almost painful to watch... I've winced, groaned, or made some sort of exclamation every time I've seen this clip... That child's mother should be beaten for letting go... OUCH!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
The Politics of 'Doing the Do'
Olawunmi posted a list of '50 mistakes woman make during sex'... I was so tickled by it, I went looking for a list of 50 mistakes men make during sex... I've posted both lists... Read and agree/disagree... After you read, if you can think of anything else, please feel free to add it... I'm curious as all hell.. lol.. All comments are welcome... Alright, here goes:
Here's the 'Men' list... Now, I have to say that I personally find this list pretty dumb and unrealistic... Maybe it was intended for teenagers? I don't know but I think whoever wrote it might be over analyzing a little, I guess, to each his own though, right?... Read and tell me what you think... I got this from eioba.com.
Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex
Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!
1. Going straight for the naughty bits.
You've got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes' perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you're not going to be invited back.
2. Not knowing how to kiss sensitively.
Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn't mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you're trying to floss her teeth.
3. Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones.
Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she's most likely to howl with pain - and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It's the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.
4. Not stroking and caressing her.
A woman's second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you're doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you're giving her a sensuous massage.
5. Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child
Yes, we know it's fun for you. To her it just feels like she's got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you're doing, you'll know by her moans of pleasure.
6. Biting on her earlobe because you think it's sexy.
She may not agree with you. In which case it will just be irritating for her, not a prelude to her turning into the sex goddess you thought you were summoning up.
7. Leaving a hickey on her neck like a teenage badge of honor.
If you're over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you're obviously under sixteen.
8. Not shaving before sex
When you're in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her face isn't so sexy, but at least it'll produce a red rash she can remember you by.
9. Not washing your pits and bits before you have sex
If there's one thing that turns women off, it's a lover whose personal hygiene isn't up to scratch. Even though men have a higher smell threshold than women, keeping yourself clean - especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy (like under your foreskin) - is not just a matter of courtesy, it's a ticket back to the bedroom.
10. Forgetting she has a sensuous body waiting to be stroked
Pretty much the same point we already made up above, but worth remembering: touch doesn't just have to be in the bedroom, a prelude to sex. In fact, if you touch her a lot in a loving way during the day, she'll be ready to melt into your arms by bedtime.
11. Trying to get your fingers in her underwear before she's ready
This is the mark of a gauche teenage lover who wants to get to fourth base just so he feels more accomplished as a lover. Take your time, let things evolve naturally, and apply a little sensuous touch on the fabric covering her vulva before you dive under the elastic. The hint of what's to come is often more erotic than diving straight in there.
12. Dropping the condom on the floor.
Must we say why this isn't the most popular move post sex? Dispose of the condom tidily in a tissue - put it in the bin rather than down the toilet, or it's likely to float there for some time to come as a reminder of your sexual encounter.
13. Going straight for the clitoris during oral sex or masturbation
Like we said above, most women just find this irritating - and, if you press too hard, bloody uncomfortable too. Your first caresses should be on her labia, the lips of her vulva, then as she gets more aroused, you can work nearer the clitoris itself. But even when she's aroused a soft touch along the sides of her clitoris may be more acceptable for her than any pressure on the head of her clitoris.
14. Breaking off just as she's getting to the point where she wants you to keep going at all costs
Women often get so lost in their sexual arousal that they forget to give feedback. In reality, the fact that she's lying there quietly may actually mean she loves what you're doing; if so, you should feel her pressing her vulva against your mouth or fingers, or shifting like she wants more touch, rather than giving you a sense that she'd rather be out shopping.
15. Undressing her clumsily.
Listen up guys: you don't have to be able to take her bra off with one hand, behind her back, while kissing her. In fact, in my experience, it's better if you don't try. She probably puts it on by fastening it first and pulling it over her head anyway. Let her take off the garments you don't understand, and whenever you do lend a helping hand, undress her gently and sensuously rather than pulling at her clothes like you're ripping the paper off a birthday present.
16. Undressing yourself inelegantly - which includes taking your socks off after your underwear
Nothing is more comical (or pathetic) to a woman than a man in his socks and pants. Except possibly a naked man wearing socks. If you don't understand why, just accept that it is so.
17. Expecting her to shave for you
You might like the baby smooth look around her vulva, but she's more likely to see this as a prickly route to itchy stubble. Ask her nicely if you'd like her to go smooth. If she says "no", accept that graciously.
18. Sticking a finger up her vagina before she's ready, willing and able
In general, women do like to be penetrated just as much as men like to penetrate, which, considering how much men like to stick things up there, is just as well. However, she'll only want you to do this when the time is right - i.e. when she's aroused enough to enjoy it. If you're giving her clitoris attention, there'll be a point where she might like to have a finger or two inside her. If so, be gentle, and start with one finger on her G-spot. Make sure she enjoys this before you put another one up there. Two fingers on her G-spot is probably as much as she will want. And be just as firm with your touch as she finds pleasurable. If you don't know what the G-spot is, then do some Google-ing before you get into bed.
19. Entering her without asking her first
What is it with men and these dark, wet places? Just keep in mind that she decides how far sex goes, and if she doesn't want to enjoy intercourse then don't press the point. This applies especially to any strategy that involves nudging your penis into position and then pressing forward without her consent, verbal or otherwise! Having said that, you don't always need to ask "May I enter you?" though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do if you're looking deep into her eyes. Needless to say, that's most likely to happen in the man on top position, which, by the way, remains everyone's most popular position for sex.
20. Pecking away around her vagina with your penis if you can't find the way in
This is, by all accounts, many women's least desired sexual moment. If for any reason you can't get in, don't pretend you're in control and keep trying. Simply ask her to guide you in with her hand. That way you'll save a lot of embarrassment, not to mention time.
20. Pumping away without regard for her pleasure
When you've achieved your most desired objective, and your penis is inside her, you'll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure. She may want hard and fast thrusting, but it's best to start slow and shallow. While you're making love, she'll most appreciate your efforts if you're masculine and strong - which is to say, if you act like you know what you're doing, you're considerate and gentle at first, and work up to firm and strong thrusts if she likes them.
21. Expecting her to make love bottom up
Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her butt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. "It's incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love", rather than "I get so turned on fucking from behind") she'll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it's only on your birthday and hers.
22. Thrusting too hard
If you happen to be well-endowed, or she has a short vagina, and you thrust too hard, you may end up banging her cervix. This can make her shriek, though sadly not with sexual pleasure.
23. Coming before she's got excited or begun to enjoy sex
There aren't many men who can last long enough to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and G-spot stimulation. If you can't be bothered learning how to be a long lasting lover, then at least have the decency to keep going for a few minutes so she gets some pleasure. This isn't hard, and there are plenty of ways you can learn to extend intercourse and not come so quickly. Do some research on Google for "end premature ejaculation". See also number 26.
24. Not coming at all - or losing your erection when you put the condom on
If you're one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist? You can then deal with this problem, learn to come more quickly, and avoid giving her a numb vagina and an intimate knowledge of the exact shade of color you painted your bedroom ceiling. If you're one of the many men who lose their erection when the condom comes out of its foil wrapper and onto the head of your penis, it's back to Google for a search on, surprisingly enough, "losing erection when putting on a condom".
25. Asking her how it was for her
This is not the mark of a confident lover, so if you really want some feedback, phrase it thus: "Did you prefer it when I did X or Y?"
26. Not going down on her when she wants oral pleasure
Since oral sex on a woman is so pleasurable for most men, this seems unlikely. But if it's a question of the smell or taste being a bit much for you, try taking a shower or bath together before sex. If you just want her to fellate you and you simply can't be bothered to reciprocate with cunnilingus, then reading these tips isn't going to help you much anyway.
27. Failing to give her pleasure if you come quickly
Remember the motto: "Women come first!" As a man, you're probably going to lose interest in sex once you've ejaculated - at least for a while. In which case, make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets her pleasure and so do you. (With the added bonus that it doesn't matter so much if you shoot quite quickly.) Just to enter her, thrust a few times, come, roll over and forget about her is the mark of a boorish lover, and you wouldn't want to be one of those, now would you?
28. Trying to force her head towards your cock
Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least. If she doesn't seem to be heading that way as things hot up, just ask her: "There's something you could do that'd give me so much pleasure....."
29. Holding her head when she goes down on you
Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that's acceptable sexual etiquette you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.
30. Coming in her mouth without asking her if it's OK
The taste of semen is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it's one that few woman ever acquire. If she doesn't like it, ask her to keep going until the last minute, then tell her when you're going to come so she can move back and finish the job with a well-lubed hand. You'll get just as much pleasure, and she won't have to gag or spit your semen out. By the way, accidentally forgetting to tell her you're going to come is not permitted.
31. Thinking that a porno movie has anything to do with real life
Porn is not good for men's egos. Real life isn't like that, OK?
32. Switching on a hard core porn film without asking whether that's OK with her
Even if you find it arousing, she's not likely to, for the simple reason that much of the porn available today is fairly abusive to women. Ask her first, and if you want to share the erotic thrill of watching people have sex, get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive.
33 .Apologizing for the size of your penis
Just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not matching up to the guys in the wrong kind of movies, just remember: 98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis. If you're with one of the other two percent, you need to find a new lover.
34. Answering honestly when she asks you what your last lover was like
Guys, when a woman asks you if her butt is too big, do you tell her the truth? Enough said. Your current lover is always the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable woman around. Even if she doesn't really believe it, that's what she wants to hear.
35. Asking her if she'd mind if her girlfriend joined you
Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don't want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you're doing before you try this one.
36. Making her do all the work
Changing positions is all very well, but asking her to ride you each time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary the positions, have fun, and take equal shares of the work. Don't just settle for one favorite position and flog it to death.
37. Trying to slip it in the back door by "accident"
Anal sex is something that a lot fewer couples have tried than you'd believe from what you read on the internet or see in porn. It's something you might like to try, but you both have to want to do it. She's not likely to respond with warmth if you keep pretending you're poking her anus by accident. And she won't believe you if you tell her you just didn't want to ask for directions, even if that's how you are when you're driving around lost, looking for somewhere.
38. Photographing or videoing your lovemaking
Unfortunately, as many jilted lovers can testify, taking pictures while you enjoy sex is putting power in the hands of the person who has the pictures. A good compromise is to link your video camera direct to your TV without recording the images. That way you can have the erotic thrill of seeing yourself during sex without having to worry about seeing yourself having sex on the internet in a few years' time.
39. Getting into the same old same old routine every time you have sex
Above almost everything else (except possibly being deeply in love), ringing the changes when you make love is the thing that will keep your sex life fresh and passionate. You'll be surprised just how exciting it can be when you try a new position. This is simply because every position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, or gives you a new perspective of your partner's body, or perhaps allows you to see entering your partner's body, and so on. Exactly which sex position feels most pleasurable will depend on the shape and size and shape of your penis and her vagina.
40. Not romancing her
Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic "chase" is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you're able to continue being romantic once you're an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.
41. Slapping her buttocks without checking if she's into a little dominance play
No mater how exciting you may find the idea, don't land a heavy slap on her butt without trying a few lighter ones first and seeing how she reacts. If you do, you may get a slap in the face. Or a kick in the balls.
42. Trying to do sex by the book (or the film)
Don't copy the moves you see in porn films. They lack a certain something. Consideration for the woman, that would be.
43. Playing with her anus before she's excited enough to appreciate it
When you're masturbating her clitoris, and you have a finger inside her vagina, you may find that she responds well to a little anal play. If you have the position right, you can use your little finger to tickle gently at her anus as your forefinger plays with her G-spot. This may well add to her excitement - especially if she's on the verge of orgasm. If you try this before she's really excited and has stopped caring what's happening to her, you might just turn her off completely, so it might not be a bad idea to check it out with her in advance.
44. Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you come
An easy mistake to make, especially if you like to have sex in the man on top position lying close to your partner, and you like to let the world know when you come. Unfortunately she won't let you do it a second time, so bury your face in the pillow or something if you're prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.
45. Talking dirty without checking if she likes it
Generally a little consensual dirty talk between adults adds to the excitement. The first time your partner tells you to f*** her hot wet c*** you'll see what I mean. If that hasn't happened yet, and you'd like it to, encourage her to talk dirty to you when you're making love, and see what pops out of her mouth. You might be surprised. Remember legend has it that the quiet ones are often the most surprising in bed!
46. Lying on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms
Always remember: a gentleman takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.
47. Ejaculating on her without asking permission
Coming between her breasts or on her vulva or bottom can be incredibly exciting, but it's nice to ask her first. She may see it less a mark of your ejaculatory prowess or manhood than a mess to clear up.
48. Not controlling your ejaculation
Like we said before, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.
49. Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex
A man who gets up after he's done the business and sets about his daily routine is probably top of most women's sexual dislikes. For her, this is a special time when a woman feels very close to her partner. She takes much longer to come down from sex than a man does, she wants to know she's loved and special, and she wants to feel adored by the man to whom she has just given her most precious asset. The very least you can do is to spend a half hour or so cuddling her while you relax after making love, even if you're not going to spend the night with her.
50. Not cleaning up after sex
And since sex inevitably involves a certain amount of fluids, keep the tissues handy for afterwards. If you feel like being chivalrous, offer her a warm towel to clean herself, especially if you aren't using condoms.
Ok, now for the 'women' list... I found this list a lot more entertaining and realistic than I did the guys... I got this off of Olawunmi's page...
50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
And that's it folks... Anyone have ANYTHING to add...? Pray do...
Here's the 'Men' list... Now, I have to say that I personally find this list pretty dumb and unrealistic... Maybe it was intended for teenagers? I don't know but I think whoever wrote it might be over analyzing a little, I guess, to each his own though, right?... Read and tell me what you think... I got this from eioba.com.
Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex
Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!
1. Going straight for the naughty bits.
You've got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes' perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you're not going to be invited back.
2. Not knowing how to kiss sensitively.
Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn't mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you're trying to floss her teeth.
3. Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones.
Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she's most likely to howl with pain - and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It's the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.
4. Not stroking and caressing her.
A woman's second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you're doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you're giving her a sensuous massage.
5. Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child
Yes, we know it's fun for you. To her it just feels like she's got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you're doing, you'll know by her moans of pleasure.
6. Biting on her earlobe because you think it's sexy.
She may not agree with you. In which case it will just be irritating for her, not a prelude to her turning into the sex goddess you thought you were summoning up.
7. Leaving a hickey on her neck like a teenage badge of honor.
If you're over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you're obviously under sixteen.
8. Not shaving before sex
When you're in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her face isn't so sexy, but at least it'll produce a red rash she can remember you by.
9. Not washing your pits and bits before you have sex
If there's one thing that turns women off, it's a lover whose personal hygiene isn't up to scratch. Even though men have a higher smell threshold than women, keeping yourself clean - especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy (like under your foreskin) - is not just a matter of courtesy, it's a ticket back to the bedroom.
10. Forgetting she has a sensuous body waiting to be stroked
Pretty much the same point we already made up above, but worth remembering: touch doesn't just have to be in the bedroom, a prelude to sex. In fact, if you touch her a lot in a loving way during the day, she'll be ready to melt into your arms by bedtime.
11. Trying to get your fingers in her underwear before she's ready
This is the mark of a gauche teenage lover who wants to get to fourth base just so he feels more accomplished as a lover. Take your time, let things evolve naturally, and apply a little sensuous touch on the fabric covering her vulva before you dive under the elastic. The hint of what's to come is often more erotic than diving straight in there.
12. Dropping the condom on the floor.
Must we say why this isn't the most popular move post sex? Dispose of the condom tidily in a tissue - put it in the bin rather than down the toilet, or it's likely to float there for some time to come as a reminder of your sexual encounter.
13. Going straight for the clitoris during oral sex or masturbation
Like we said above, most women just find this irritating - and, if you press too hard, bloody uncomfortable too. Your first caresses should be on her labia, the lips of her vulva, then as she gets more aroused, you can work nearer the clitoris itself. But even when she's aroused a soft touch along the sides of her clitoris may be more acceptable for her than any pressure on the head of her clitoris.
14. Breaking off just as she's getting to the point where she wants you to keep going at all costs
Women often get so lost in their sexual arousal that they forget to give feedback. In reality, the fact that she's lying there quietly may actually mean she loves what you're doing; if so, you should feel her pressing her vulva against your mouth or fingers, or shifting like she wants more touch, rather than giving you a sense that she'd rather be out shopping.
15. Undressing her clumsily.
Listen up guys: you don't have to be able to take her bra off with one hand, behind her back, while kissing her. In fact, in my experience, it's better if you don't try. She probably puts it on by fastening it first and pulling it over her head anyway. Let her take off the garments you don't understand, and whenever you do lend a helping hand, undress her gently and sensuously rather than pulling at her clothes like you're ripping the paper off a birthday present.
16. Undressing yourself inelegantly - which includes taking your socks off after your underwear
Nothing is more comical (or pathetic) to a woman than a man in his socks and pants. Except possibly a naked man wearing socks. If you don't understand why, just accept that it is so.
17. Expecting her to shave for you
You might like the baby smooth look around her vulva, but she's more likely to see this as a prickly route to itchy stubble. Ask her nicely if you'd like her to go smooth. If she says "no", accept that graciously.
18. Sticking a finger up her vagina before she's ready, willing and able
In general, women do like to be penetrated just as much as men like to penetrate, which, considering how much men like to stick things up there, is just as well. However, she'll only want you to do this when the time is right - i.e. when she's aroused enough to enjoy it. If you're giving her clitoris attention, there'll be a point where she might like to have a finger or two inside her. If so, be gentle, and start with one finger on her G-spot. Make sure she enjoys this before you put another one up there. Two fingers on her G-spot is probably as much as she will want. And be just as firm with your touch as she finds pleasurable. If you don't know what the G-spot is, then do some Google-ing before you get into bed.
19. Entering her without asking her first
What is it with men and these dark, wet places? Just keep in mind that she decides how far sex goes, and if she doesn't want to enjoy intercourse then don't press the point. This applies especially to any strategy that involves nudging your penis into position and then pressing forward without her consent, verbal or otherwise! Having said that, you don't always need to ask "May I enter you?" though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do if you're looking deep into her eyes. Needless to say, that's most likely to happen in the man on top position, which, by the way, remains everyone's most popular position for sex.
20. Pecking away around her vagina with your penis if you can't find the way in
This is, by all accounts, many women's least desired sexual moment. If for any reason you can't get in, don't pretend you're in control and keep trying. Simply ask her to guide you in with her hand. That way you'll save a lot of embarrassment, not to mention time.
20. Pumping away without regard for her pleasure
When you've achieved your most desired objective, and your penis is inside her, you'll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure. She may want hard and fast thrusting, but it's best to start slow and shallow. While you're making love, she'll most appreciate your efforts if you're masculine and strong - which is to say, if you act like you know what you're doing, you're considerate and gentle at first, and work up to firm and strong thrusts if she likes them.
21. Expecting her to make love bottom up
Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her butt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. "It's incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love", rather than "I get so turned on fucking from behind") she'll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it's only on your birthday and hers.
22. Thrusting too hard
If you happen to be well-endowed, or she has a short vagina, and you thrust too hard, you may end up banging her cervix. This can make her shriek, though sadly not with sexual pleasure.
23. Coming before she's got excited or begun to enjoy sex
There aren't many men who can last long enough to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and G-spot stimulation. If you can't be bothered learning how to be a long lasting lover, then at least have the decency to keep going for a few minutes so she gets some pleasure. This isn't hard, and there are plenty of ways you can learn to extend intercourse and not come so quickly. Do some research on Google for "end premature ejaculation". See also number 26.
24. Not coming at all - or losing your erection when you put the condom on
If you're one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist? You can then deal with this problem, learn to come more quickly, and avoid giving her a numb vagina and an intimate knowledge of the exact shade of color you painted your bedroom ceiling. If you're one of the many men who lose their erection when the condom comes out of its foil wrapper and onto the head of your penis, it's back to Google for a search on, surprisingly enough, "losing erection when putting on a condom".
25. Asking her how it was for her
This is not the mark of a confident lover, so if you really want some feedback, phrase it thus: "Did you prefer it when I did X or Y?"
26. Not going down on her when she wants oral pleasure
Since oral sex on a woman is so pleasurable for most men, this seems unlikely. But if it's a question of the smell or taste being a bit much for you, try taking a shower or bath together before sex. If you just want her to fellate you and you simply can't be bothered to reciprocate with cunnilingus, then reading these tips isn't going to help you much anyway.
27. Failing to give her pleasure if you come quickly
Remember the motto: "Women come first!" As a man, you're probably going to lose interest in sex once you've ejaculated - at least for a while. In which case, make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets her pleasure and so do you. (With the added bonus that it doesn't matter so much if you shoot quite quickly.) Just to enter her, thrust a few times, come, roll over and forget about her is the mark of a boorish lover, and you wouldn't want to be one of those, now would you?
28. Trying to force her head towards your cock
Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least. If she doesn't seem to be heading that way as things hot up, just ask her: "There's something you could do that'd give me so much pleasure....."
29. Holding her head when she goes down on you
Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that's acceptable sexual etiquette you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.
30. Coming in her mouth without asking her if it's OK
The taste of semen is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it's one that few woman ever acquire. If she doesn't like it, ask her to keep going until the last minute, then tell her when you're going to come so she can move back and finish the job with a well-lubed hand. You'll get just as much pleasure, and she won't have to gag or spit your semen out. By the way, accidentally forgetting to tell her you're going to come is not permitted.
31. Thinking that a porno movie has anything to do with real life
Porn is not good for men's egos. Real life isn't like that, OK?
32. Switching on a hard core porn film without asking whether that's OK with her
Even if you find it arousing, she's not likely to, for the simple reason that much of the porn available today is fairly abusive to women. Ask her first, and if you want to share the erotic thrill of watching people have sex, get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive.
33 .Apologizing for the size of your penis
Just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not matching up to the guys in the wrong kind of movies, just remember: 98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis. If you're with one of the other two percent, you need to find a new lover.
34. Answering honestly when she asks you what your last lover was like
Guys, when a woman asks you if her butt is too big, do you tell her the truth? Enough said. Your current lover is always the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable woman around. Even if she doesn't really believe it, that's what she wants to hear.
35. Asking her if she'd mind if her girlfriend joined you
Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don't want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you're doing before you try this one.
36. Making her do all the work
Changing positions is all very well, but asking her to ride you each time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary the positions, have fun, and take equal shares of the work. Don't just settle for one favorite position and flog it to death.
37. Trying to slip it in the back door by "accident"
Anal sex is something that a lot fewer couples have tried than you'd believe from what you read on the internet or see in porn. It's something you might like to try, but you both have to want to do it. She's not likely to respond with warmth if you keep pretending you're poking her anus by accident. And she won't believe you if you tell her you just didn't want to ask for directions, even if that's how you are when you're driving around lost, looking for somewhere.
38. Photographing or videoing your lovemaking
Unfortunately, as many jilted lovers can testify, taking pictures while you enjoy sex is putting power in the hands of the person who has the pictures. A good compromise is to link your video camera direct to your TV without recording the images. That way you can have the erotic thrill of seeing yourself during sex without having to worry about seeing yourself having sex on the internet in a few years' time.
39. Getting into the same old same old routine every time you have sex
Above almost everything else (except possibly being deeply in love), ringing the changes when you make love is the thing that will keep your sex life fresh and passionate. You'll be surprised just how exciting it can be when you try a new position. This is simply because every position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, or gives you a new perspective of your partner's body, or perhaps allows you to see entering your partner's body, and so on. Exactly which sex position feels most pleasurable will depend on the shape and size and shape of your penis and her vagina.
40. Not romancing her
Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic "chase" is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you're able to continue being romantic once you're an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.
41. Slapping her buttocks without checking if she's into a little dominance play
No mater how exciting you may find the idea, don't land a heavy slap on her butt without trying a few lighter ones first and seeing how she reacts. If you do, you may get a slap in the face. Or a kick in the balls.
42. Trying to do sex by the book (or the film)
Don't copy the moves you see in porn films. They lack a certain something. Consideration for the woman, that would be.
43. Playing with her anus before she's excited enough to appreciate it
When you're masturbating her clitoris, and you have a finger inside her vagina, you may find that she responds well to a little anal play. If you have the position right, you can use your little finger to tickle gently at her anus as your forefinger plays with her G-spot. This may well add to her excitement - especially if she's on the verge of orgasm. If you try this before she's really excited and has stopped caring what's happening to her, you might just turn her off completely, so it might not be a bad idea to check it out with her in advance.
44. Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you come
An easy mistake to make, especially if you like to have sex in the man on top position lying close to your partner, and you like to let the world know when you come. Unfortunately she won't let you do it a second time, so bury your face in the pillow or something if you're prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.
45. Talking dirty without checking if she likes it
Generally a little consensual dirty talk between adults adds to the excitement. The first time your partner tells you to f*** her hot wet c*** you'll see what I mean. If that hasn't happened yet, and you'd like it to, encourage her to talk dirty to you when you're making love, and see what pops out of her mouth. You might be surprised. Remember legend has it that the quiet ones are often the most surprising in bed!
46. Lying on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms
Always remember: a gentleman takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.
47. Ejaculating on her without asking permission
Coming between her breasts or on her vulva or bottom can be incredibly exciting, but it's nice to ask her first. She may see it less a mark of your ejaculatory prowess or manhood than a mess to clear up.
48. Not controlling your ejaculation
Like we said before, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.
49. Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex
A man who gets up after he's done the business and sets about his daily routine is probably top of most women's sexual dislikes. For her, this is a special time when a woman feels very close to her partner. She takes much longer to come down from sex than a man does, she wants to know she's loved and special, and she wants to feel adored by the man to whom she has just given her most precious asset. The very least you can do is to spend a half hour or so cuddling her while you relax after making love, even if you're not going to spend the night with her.
50. Not cleaning up after sex
And since sex inevitably involves a certain amount of fluids, keep the tissues handy for afterwards. If you feel like being chivalrous, offer her a warm towel to clean herself, especially if you aren't using condoms.
Ok, now for the 'women' list... I found this list a lot more entertaining and realistic than I did the guys... I got this off of Olawunmi's page...
50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
And that's it folks... Anyone have ANYTHING to add...? Pray do...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Pan's Labyrinth... OH.MY.GOD.
I should be in bed. I have to be at my desk by 8. It had not been my intention to watch this movie tonight. As I got in bed about two hours ago, I rolled over and accidentally hit 'Play' on the DVD remote... The movie started playing... I was sucked into it in the very first minute... I didn't, no - couldn't move for the entirety of that movie... wow... I'm still in awe... I'm buying it the second I get out of work today... wow...
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
So... Do you believe in Soul Mates...?
... Like, meeting someone who you just KNOW you're supposed to be with?"
This was a question posed to me by some random dude at Walmart earlier today. Apparently, he was interested in me, so he figured he'd throw that ridiculously corny (not to mention overused) line at me to appeal to my 'inner' sentimental/fairy tale loving side that every female seems to have... Unfortunately for him, I wasn't really in that kind of mood at all... I was hungry, tired, and just wanted to get home before 'How I met your mother' came on...
Dude and his crappy ass lines aside, I did get thinking about the whole 'soul mate' think on the ride home... Actually, since I'm writing about it right now, its safe to say its still on my mind... yes? I digress...
The term 'Soul Mate' has been defined by the dictionary as 'a person with whom one has a strong affinity.' ... Another related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – thought to be the ultimate soul mate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join.
Of those two definitions, even though its safe to say that the first is the most practical or plausible, most people tend to look to the second connotation as a guide to either choosing their partners or dictating their relationships... I'm 28 years old (29 in ten days, YAY!), and depending on what I'm going through in life (or with whom), my perspective(s) of that term have shifted and changed consistently...
I had plans to write up this really long post about this topic, but somethings come up, so I'm only going to say this now:
Every relationship, regardless of the many shared similarities/affinities of the couple(s), needs work. Lots of work. If you have something special that you know deep inside you is worth preserving, do all you can to preserve it... You'll know when you're with 'that' person... You just will... When you are, do what (ALL) you have to do to remain with him/her, and never take him/her for granted... That is singlehandedly one of THE worst things you could do...
This is corny as all hell, but remember that to get a thing of value or worth, you have to put in the work.... We're told that the process of shaping a rough diamond/rock into a polished gemstone is both an art and a science. Same with relationships... You know...?
Think about it; Even with modern techniques, the cutting and polishing of a diamond crystal always results in a dramatic loss of weight; rarely is it less than 50% .. Along the way, you guys will lose and miss things that might seem (at that very moment) to be extremely important to each individual...They're just baggage though.. you know?... Baggage that would be worth nothing if you didn't have that other person in your life... Learning and even utilizing corny sounding words like compromise... negotiation... accommodation...mutual respect though, you'll end up with a finished product that's so valuable, solid, and pretty much unbreakable, that all your little (and big) battles you fought to get where you are would seem so... inconsequential...
You both (it HAS to be a team effort) do all of that and put in the necessary work, its safe to say your longevity possibilities will be endless... constantly growing, constantly evolving.. that kind of thing.
I have to go now... I'd really like to sit here, and write for a couple of more hours, but like I said, something's come up that has prevented that...'Sides, if I did do that, I wouldn't be practicing what I'm preaching now, would I?.. :=)
Quick Notes:
1. To my girl: Keep your head up chick... You guys will be fine... I promise. You 'know' I was thinking about you when I wrote this, right...? lol.. Let him keep the freaking chair... Trust me, it's NOT that big a deal!! Oh, for the love of God, PLEASE throw that damned book out!!! Not only is not 'NOT' helping things, it's just crap and you know it!..
In COMPLETELY unrelated news,
2. I saw a movie last night that I fell in love with... If you're out there and you happen to be a movie person, you should definitely rent this... It's an independent movie, so you'll probably only recognize a couple of faces... Still though, its great... Check out the trailer... :=)
Dito
Antonio
Laurie
This is just a random scene from the movie.... If you're planning to rent it, you should maybe not watch this... I'm posting this 'just because'....
This was a question posed to me by some random dude at Walmart earlier today. Apparently, he was interested in me, so he figured he'd throw that ridiculously corny (not to mention overused) line at me to appeal to my 'inner' sentimental/fairy tale loving side that every female seems to have... Unfortunately for him, I wasn't really in that kind of mood at all... I was hungry, tired, and just wanted to get home before 'How I met your mother' came on...
Dude and his crappy ass lines aside, I did get thinking about the whole 'soul mate' think on the ride home... Actually, since I'm writing about it right now, its safe to say its still on my mind... yes? I digress...
The term 'Soul Mate' has been defined by the dictionary as 'a person with whom one has a strong affinity.' ... Another related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – thought to be the ultimate soul mate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join.
Of those two definitions, even though its safe to say that the first is the most practical or plausible, most people tend to look to the second connotation as a guide to either choosing their partners or dictating their relationships... I'm 28 years old (29 in ten days, YAY!), and depending on what I'm going through in life (or with whom), my perspective(s) of that term have shifted and changed consistently...
I had plans to write up this really long post about this topic, but somethings come up, so I'm only going to say this now:
Every relationship, regardless of the many shared similarities/affinities of the couple(s), needs work. Lots of work. If you have something special that you know deep inside you is worth preserving, do all you can to preserve it... You'll know when you're with 'that' person... You just will... When you are, do what (ALL) you have to do to remain with him/her, and never take him/her for granted... That is singlehandedly one of THE worst things you could do...
This is corny as all hell, but remember that to get a thing of value or worth, you have to put in the work.... We're told that the process of shaping a rough diamond/rock into a polished gemstone is both an art and a science. Same with relationships... You know...?
Think about it; Even with modern techniques, the cutting and polishing of a diamond crystal always results in a dramatic loss of weight; rarely is it less than 50% .. Along the way, you guys will lose and miss things that might seem (at that very moment) to be extremely important to each individual...They're just baggage though.. you know?... Baggage that would be worth nothing if you didn't have that other person in your life... Learning and even utilizing corny sounding words like compromise... negotiation... accommodation...mutual respect though, you'll end up with a finished product that's so valuable, solid, and pretty much unbreakable, that all your little (and big) battles you fought to get where you are would seem so... inconsequential...
You both (it HAS to be a team effort) do all of that and put in the necessary work, its safe to say your longevity possibilities will be endless... constantly growing, constantly evolving.. that kind of thing.
I have to go now... I'd really like to sit here, and write for a couple of more hours, but like I said, something's come up that has prevented that...'Sides, if I did do that, I wouldn't be practicing what I'm preaching now, would I?.. :=)
Quick Notes:
1. To my girl: Keep your head up chick... You guys will be fine... I promise. You 'know' I was thinking about you when I wrote this, right...? lol.. Let him keep the freaking chair... Trust me, it's NOT that big a deal!! Oh, for the love of God, PLEASE throw that damned book out!!! Not only is not 'NOT' helping things, it's just crap and you know it!..
In COMPLETELY unrelated news,
2. I saw a movie last night that I fell in love with... If you're out there and you happen to be a movie person, you should definitely rent this... It's an independent movie, so you'll probably only recognize a couple of faces... Still though, its great... Check out the trailer... :=)
Dito
Antonio
Laurie
This is just a random scene from the movie.... If you're planning to rent it, you should maybe not watch this... I'm posting this 'just because'....
Saturday, May 5, 2007
One of my favorite commercials of all time
This is one of the funniest commercials I've ever seen. I have no clue why I find it so amusing, but I crack up each and every time it comes on. Skittles does have some different (weird) commercials, but this one is most definitely one of my favorites... Hands down. lol.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Candy High
My son has just returned from a trip to the circus in Providence with his dad, and I swear the child's trying to channel a bouncy, rubber ball... The kid's so freaking wired, he can't stand still for a second. The first words he uttered - no... I'm sorry, he 'uttered' nothing... He bellowed. The first words he bellowed as he cannon balled into the house were: "MUMMY, GUESS WHAT?!!!!!... DADDY GOT ME LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF COTTON CANDY!!!!!"..
He said something else right after, but I couldn't hear him 'cause my ears were still ringing from his earlier attempt to break decibel records.I turned to his dad who's standing by the door with a sheepish smile on his face, and I swear, I just want to pummel him.
I hear a whirring sound behind me, and thinking he's playing with the vacuum cleaner, turn around to tell him to stop... No.. it's not the vacuum cleaner. The sounds coming from my son who's running circles around my tiny apartment faster than the speed of light.... OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little... just a little though.
I bid Billy adieu and slam the door shut behind him. I sigh and turn around to deal with the kid who's now singing the jingle to that K9 Advantix commercial... You know the one I'm talking about? With the cute little puppy perched on the tire singing "There ain't no bugs on me"... yes? Ah Well, my son's just running around in circles singing that ONE line over and over and over... except he's moving so fast, (and saying the words equally as fast) that he almost sounds like he's buzzing... like a fly or a mosquito... *sigh*...
I've never seen him this hyper before, and I have no clue how to handle it... I just stand there and watch what looks like a blur race around the apartment. Just when I'm thinking I'm going to scream, the inevitable happens. Jacob runs head first into the end table in the living room. He runs into it with such force that the entire table literally falls apart. (I'd like to say really quick though, that it'd been a little shaky... but still..!). The lamp slams against the wall and shatters into like a million little pieces, books and papers are flung in every direction. It was freaking crazy.
How about Jacob?... Think 'Bowling Pin'. The kid literally slammed his head through the table and into the wall, producing a loud, solid, stomach wrenching, 'crunch', after which he proceeds to topple over sideways like a freaking bowling pin. Literally... body stretched taut and everything. OH.. MY... GOD.
Now, all what I've just described must have happened in less than 3 seconds or something.. To me though, I swear, EVERYTHING was moving incredibly slow ... even sound seemed to slow down for those 3 seconds... It was crazy.. I felt like I was in a movie or something.
Anyway, I dart towards him as fast as I can, but 'just' as I reach him, his little body bounces right back up and scares the living shit out of me. Literally bounces like a freaking yo yo... or one of those blow up punching back things that kids love... you know the ones I'm talking about...? The kind you fill the bottom with sand or water...? Yep.
Well, the kid jumps right up and proceeds to barrage me with a slew of words that are shooting out of his mouth so freaking fast, that they all come out sounding like one long, jumbled word of total rubbish. It's almost as if someone's taken my son's mouth and replaced it some sort of... verbal sub machine gun...capable of firing about a million words a minute or something...
Woooow. Not one single breath or pause between words. When he's done, he take a loud, deep, breath and .... stops. Just like that. I'm staring at him (almost nervously) and he's staring at me. For the first time since he's walked into the house, there's quiet... None of us says anything for about 20 seconds or so... I'm not sure why he's quiet, but I know why I am... I'm shell shocked and traumatized.
Finally, I ask him very quietly if he's OK. He says he is, and tells me his head hadn't hit the wall like I'd thought. I tell him about the crunch I heard, and he giggles as he points at my box of crackers now laying on the floor in pieces. Nevertheless, I pull him into the bathroom and examine him thoroughly from head to toe...
Turns out he was right... he hadn't even broken the table with his head... He'd slammed against it with his thigh. After I'm satisfied that hes not bleeding or hurt, I tell him its time to pick up the living room, then take a shower. He agrees with me, and starts to pick up all his stuff from the living room while I cleaned the glass from the broken lamp.... I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye as he's doing this, and I can literally see him coming down from his sugar high...He's crashing hard.
The rest of the night has gone by without incident. He did a a GREAT job with the living room (He was so proud of himself, he made me take pictures... lol), took a shower, and flopped on the couch. He could barely keep his eyes open by this time...He's in bed now... Passed out cold... Thank God!... Now its my turn to go to bed. I've been sick for the past couple of days, and needed this experience tonight like a freaking bullet to the head...
That was some scary shit tonight... I really thought he had hurt himself really badly... Thank God he's OK...
I want to kick Billy... Hard.
He said something else right after, but I couldn't hear him 'cause my ears were still ringing from his earlier attempt to break decibel records.I turned to his dad who's standing by the door with a sheepish smile on his face, and I swear, I just want to pummel him.
I hear a whirring sound behind me, and thinking he's playing with the vacuum cleaner, turn around to tell him to stop... No.. it's not the vacuum cleaner. The sounds coming from my son who's running circles around my tiny apartment faster than the speed of light.... OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little... just a little though.
I bid Billy adieu and slam the door shut behind him. I sigh and turn around to deal with the kid who's now singing the jingle to that K9 Advantix commercial... You know the one I'm talking about? With the cute little puppy perched on the tire singing "There ain't no bugs on me"... yes? Ah Well, my son's just running around in circles singing that ONE line over and over and over... except he's moving so fast, (and saying the words equally as fast) that he almost sounds like he's buzzing... like a fly or a mosquito... *sigh*...
I've never seen him this hyper before, and I have no clue how to handle it... I just stand there and watch what looks like a blur race around the apartment. Just when I'm thinking I'm going to scream, the inevitable happens. Jacob runs head first into the end table in the living room. He runs into it with such force that the entire table literally falls apart. (I'd like to say really quick though, that it'd been a little shaky... but still..!). The lamp slams against the wall and shatters into like a million little pieces, books and papers are flung in every direction. It was freaking crazy.
How about Jacob?... Think 'Bowling Pin'. The kid literally slammed his head through the table and into the wall, producing a loud, solid, stomach wrenching, 'crunch', after which he proceeds to topple over sideways like a freaking bowling pin. Literally... body stretched taut and everything. OH.. MY... GOD.
Now, all what I've just described must have happened in less than 3 seconds or something.. To me though, I swear, EVERYTHING was moving incredibly slow ... even sound seemed to slow down for those 3 seconds... It was crazy.. I felt like I was in a movie or something.
Anyway, I dart towards him as fast as I can, but 'just' as I reach him, his little body bounces right back up and scares the living shit out of me. Literally bounces like a freaking yo yo... or one of those blow up punching back things that kids love... you know the ones I'm talking about...? The kind you fill the bottom with sand or water...? Yep.
Well, the kid jumps right up and proceeds to barrage me with a slew of words that are shooting out of his mouth so freaking fast, that they all come out sounding like one long, jumbled word of total rubbish. It's almost as if someone's taken my son's mouth and replaced it some sort of... verbal sub machine gun...capable of firing about a million words a minute or something...
"I'm okay mommy!Wowthatwasfun! IfeltlikeBen1owhenh eturnedintofourarmsand had to fight that alienfrommars!wow!didyouhear my head hit the wallommy?itkindoffeltgood. imsorryimade a messcanicleanitup?pleasepleasepleasepleaselet ecleanitup!i candoagoodjobrmemb erhowicleanedmyroomonsaturday?pleasemommyplease?!!!!!!!!!!"...
Woooow. Not one single breath or pause between words. When he's done, he take a loud, deep, breath and .... stops. Just like that. I'm staring at him (almost nervously) and he's staring at me. For the first time since he's walked into the house, there's quiet... None of us says anything for about 20 seconds or so... I'm not sure why he's quiet, but I know why I am... I'm shell shocked and traumatized.
Finally, I ask him very quietly if he's OK. He says he is, and tells me his head hadn't hit the wall like I'd thought. I tell him about the crunch I heard, and he giggles as he points at my box of crackers now laying on the floor in pieces. Nevertheless, I pull him into the bathroom and examine him thoroughly from head to toe...
Turns out he was right... he hadn't even broken the table with his head... He'd slammed against it with his thigh. After I'm satisfied that hes not bleeding or hurt, I tell him its time to pick up the living room, then take a shower. He agrees with me, and starts to pick up all his stuff from the living room while I cleaned the glass from the broken lamp.... I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye as he's doing this, and I can literally see him coming down from his sugar high...He's crashing hard.
The rest of the night has gone by without incident. He did a a GREAT job with the living room (He was so proud of himself, he made me take pictures... lol), took a shower, and flopped on the couch. He could barely keep his eyes open by this time...He's in bed now... Passed out cold... Thank God!... Now its my turn to go to bed. I've been sick for the past couple of days, and needed this experience tonight like a freaking bullet to the head...
That was some scary shit tonight... I really thought he had hurt himself really badly... Thank God he's OK...
I want to kick Billy... Hard.
Crashing REALLY hard
I was very proud of him. He put all the DVDs back, and picked up all the crap that was scattered on the floor everywhere. He did a great job! :=)...
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Proud To Be White....
Someone put this post up on the 'Rants & Raves' section of Rhode Island's version of craigslist.org. In doing so, he evoked one of 'the' most heated 'racial discussions/arguments' I'd seen in a really long time. I usually try not to get involved in those types of discussions really... I find it to be a volatile, tiresome topic for which there really isn't a solution... Too many variables involved.
Anyway, something about this particular post got to me... I'm not sure what, but I was irked to high heavens. I think it was the manner in which it was written... I mean, its apparent that the writer just took a bunch of 'half-truths', and strew them all together to give the illusion of fact or credibility... I read the post and many responses for a while, then decided that I just 'had' to say something back...I don't know why exactly... Whatever the case, I got pissed and wrote my own response... I was quite happy with what I came up with. Anyway, I don't want to lose it, so I thought I'd post it here, and in doing so, kill two birds with one stone; I get to not only keep and maintain a record of it, but I get to share it with you guys as well ...
****************************************************************************
YOU wrote:
Someone else besides me finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this?
There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. and then there are just Americans.
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Spic, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah.
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud. But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
MY Response:
OK, so I'm a 28 year old African American woman, and I agree with everything the original poster wrote about being White and Proud.. A white man SHOULD be able to be proud of who/what he is without fearing backlash from the world. When I stand in front of a room full of people and declare loudly that I am "Black and Proud", I'm greeted with applause and smiles... Were a white man to do that, he'd not only get booed, but he'd probably find himself getting questioned by the authorities looking for a 'motive'... I mean, he'd HAVE to be racist, right? Why else would he have made said declaration...?
So, I say we do something about this... We ask questions and get answers... right? Find out exactly WHY/HOW all of this is able to happen in the world we live in... Here's what we do;
We gather up a team of THE smartest scientists, physicists, mathematicians we can, then commission them to build us a fully functional time machine. After it’s completed, we transport ourselves ALL the way back to 1600s when the first slaves were brought to the Americas. When we get there (or then), we sit those first slave owners down and ask them as earnestly as we can 'WHY' they felt the need to go to a different continent to bring back HUMANS to work for them like animals. We'll ask them WHY they thought it OK to go halfway across the world to uproot and separate millions of families for monetary gain/wealth.
When we're done with them, we'll go a little into the future to a time when slavery has already been abolished. What we'll do at that time is question the 'regular' Americans... You know..? The Average Joes ... We'll ask about segregation and the very many cases of unprovoked violence/murder/crime against people of color... We'll ask them why black children weren't allowed to attend the same schools as their white counterparts... Why a black man couldn't just walk into a nice Caucasian owned restaurant, and ask to be served... That kind of thing, those kind of questions... you know?
Lets be honest with ourselves here... After all is said and done, I doubt that even ONE of those people questioned would give the right answer(s) to any of the questions asked. Regardless of how it’s looked at, or from what angle, it's nothing but greed, laziness, and pure hate that has brought us to where we are today.
You resent your inability to be 'white and proud', you resent the very many minority owned/founded/powered organizations that exist in America today... You point out everything negative that can possibly be associated with minorities... In your blatant ignorance, you even DARE question the African American man's 'march for rights', in an incredibly display of moronic prowess, point out that were you (as a Caucasian male) to do the same, you would be called racist...
I'm sorry... I'm confused... WHAT rights, would you be marching for? I'm just curious...
• Was it not a Caucasian that stumbled on occupied land and YET still claimed it not only as his discovery, but to be his very own?
• When opposition arose from the original land owners (The Indians), didn't these same Caucasians declare them to be the enemy and wage a swift, bloody, and unfair war against them for 'their' land?
• Was it not a group of Caucasians that after settling on said land, decided to travel to the other side of the world to BRING other humans (against their will, I might add) to toil it for them?...
• Haven't these same Caucasians over the years (and to this very day), effectively and swiftly removed ALL that have dared stand in their way? ... If not, to be fair, have they not tried?... So, these rights that have been deprived you... the ones you'd like to march for... what would they be?
Listen, it’s not my intention to start a debate here. This is not the first racially themed post I've read... This one just struck a chord with me because whoever wrote it appears to think he/she is making sense. My goodness people, NO ONE is telling you not to be White and Proud. Has it maybe occurred to you that the reason you don't hear a lot of such declarations is because there's very little need for it? You've had to fight ONE major war for freedom (from the British Empire), and this is celebrated every year on the 4th of July. I mean, think about it...
Ok, A BREAKDOWN:
There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. and then there are just Americans.
Um... Show me someone who's 'just' American, and I'll be sure retract everything I've written on here... Immigrants make up the America of today that we all know and love. Immigrants... (You 'are' aware that Columbus was Italian... right?)... EVERY white American I know today is 'part' something or the other. Even you... the original poster. Just to clarify though, allow me point out that:
African Americans are called that because they originated from Africa.
Mexican Americans are called that because they originated from Mexico.
Asian Americans are called that because they originated from Asia.
Arab Americans are called that because they originated from the Arab Nations.
This one's my personal favorite…
So.........
Native Americans are called that simply because they were here first. It was THEIR land...
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK.
No. It's not OK. It's wrong. As a black woman, I can't recollect ONE single instance I've done that..... I've never seen any of my friends do that either…Over the years, I’ve attended schools, visited stores, and walked in public parks… I honestly have witnessed no such incident.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Spic, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
Yes, I do... Yes, I will. Why? Because like the aforementioned words, these are hateful, racist slurs. If however, the day comes when I (an African American) should walk up to you and call you a racist name to your face, PLEASE feel free to call me one back. There should be no exceptions to this rule. None at all... (I do have to say that I do feel like you're reaching with this one as well though... Really. It just doesn’t seem ‘commonplace’ enough to be 'relatable' to, you know?)
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
What's this have to do with anything? Do you HONESTLY think only minorities live in the ghetto? I don't live in the ghetto myself, but I'll tell you this; If I had to choose, I'd pick living in the ghetto - where I'd at least be given the opportunity of identifying and avoiding the dangerous threats, over living in suburbia where my chances of being murdered and decapitated by my seemingly perfect Caucasian husband would go up every time I got pregnant... Scott Peterson, anyone?...
You have the United Negro College Fund.
Yes. Yes we do. What's your point? Have YOU given money to the United Negro College Fund? Have donations to said fund been garnished from your wages? Nope. Do they ask YOU for money? Nope. Also, it might do you good to do a little bit of research before you throw future tantrums. You might be surprised to learn that contrary to its name, the UNCF funds scholarships for students of ALL ethnic groups, NOT just African Americans... (Bet you didn't know that, did you?).
You have Martin Luther King Day.
Yes. We do indeed. A day was set aside to honor a man who took the fight for equality and respect for the American Negro to new heights. What's wrong with that? I should also point out that A LOT of businesses don't acknowledge this day. Bet if you got the day off with pay, you'd take it though, right?
You have Black History Month.
Oui. We do indeed... Maybe you should use YOUR remaining 11 months to learn more about White History.
You have Cesar Chavez Day
Wow... really? Does it make you feel better that this holiday is observed in only FOUR states? And do you HONESTLY view this day as a 'Mexican Day'? *sigh*... Once again, you display your ineptitude for intelligence... are you at least one of those people who won’t eat anything grown, bred, or manufactured on a farm? I hope so, because this day was set aside to honor him as the co-founder of the National Farm Workers Association (which later became the United Farm Workers).
He is considered a hero for farm laborers because his work led to numerous improvements for union workers. So explain to me why he doesn't deserve it...? Or better still; explain to the farmers who are able to accomplish everything they can today, because of battles HE fought.
You have Yom Hashoah.
So what you're saying is that you think it unfair that a day was set aside in remembrance of the SIX MILLION Jews who died in the Holocaust. That's what you're saying? Well, I guess I can see where you're coming from with that... When SIX MILLION Proud, White, Americans are mass murdered, we should DEFINITELY have a day set aside for their remembrance as well... Till then, you should shut up about things like this. I don't get it though... How is this even relevant to your being white and proud? Also, is this EVEN observed in the U.S??? If memory serves me right, it's an ISREALI holiday!!
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
I'm not Muslim, but yes... Muslims have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. It’s the day they celebrate the birthday of their prophet. I believe Christians (yes, even PROUD, WHITE, ones) have a 'special day' they set aside to celebrate the birthday of their foremost prophet/savior/messiah... I think its December 25th or something like that...no? What do they call that again...? Christmas Day, or something like that...
You have the NAACP
*sigh*... NAACP? Really? Are you even aware that some of the FOUNDING members of this organization were NOT black? The founding members were Black, Jewish, and White! If we must get technical though, YES, 'we' have the NAACP to fight for the advancement of colored minorities. There are quite a number of organizations who have been put together to fight for the advancement of the proud, WHITE, majority. They are:
* Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging
* American Front
* American Nazi Party
* Aryan Brotherhood
* Aryan Nations
* Australia First
* Blood and Honor
* British National Front
* Canadian Ethnic Cleansing Team
* Canadian Heritage Alliance
* Combat 18
* Council of Conservative Citizens
* Confederate Hammer Skins
* Creativity Movement (formerly World Church of the Creator)
* Forsyth County Defense League
* Hammerskins
* Heritage Front
* Hrisi Avgi
* Ku Klux Klan
* Libertarian National Socialist Green Party
* National Alliance
* National Association for the Advancement of White People
* National Socialist Movement of Denmark
* National Socialist Movement (United Kingdom)
* National Socialist Movement (United States)
* Nationalist Party of Canada
* Northern Alliance (White supremacist organization)
* Imperium Europa
* Patriotic Youth League
* Russian National Unity
* The Order
* The Posse Comitatus
* Tri-City Skins
* Vigrid
* Volksfront
* Western Canada For Us
* White Aryan Resistance
* White Citizens' Council
* White Patriot Party
I rest my case.
You have BET. If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists:
We sure as heck do! I don’t have a Satellite dish so I don’t get as many channels; I have Digital Cable (Without Showtime), and I want to say that I receive about 200 channels. Of these 200 that I get on my TV, only ONE is targeting the African American population. ONE. Does it change things a little bit that BET is owned by Viacom who also owns MTV?... I mean, do you feel a little better now?
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists:
I covered this way earlier. Darn those WHITE homosexuals though, huh? They get to be white and STILL have something to march about.
If we had White History Month, we'd be racists:
*sigh*... Dude, you're awfully redundant, don't you think?
If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
You make no sense here. I already pointed out that there is NO one organization intended SOLELY for non-whites.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?
Not you. These organizations are non-profit, and survive off of donations, grants, and sponsorships. What’s your point?
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
Again, there are no 'Black Only' scholarships. Ooooh, you're not going to like this one, but there are actually 114 historically black colleges in the United States which vary between two year and four year institutions and public and private funding. Let's explore why:
Historically black colleges and universities were established before 1964 with the intention of serving the African American community. Why? Well, because the PROUD, WHITE American refused to have Negros attend the same school as him and his children.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists:
See paragraphs 2 & 3
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
No. No, we don't. It's when you announce it with little or no tolerance, regard or respect for other ethnicities/races that we call you racist. That makes sense, right?
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
Wow, darn those blacks and their crimes! They should learn from their white counterparts... The ones who shoot and kill innocent kids in schools... The ones who go out of their way to assassinate US Presidents and iconic musicians... The ones who kill their children in cold blood and blame it on postpartum depression. The ones who kill their wives and unborn kids then go fishing... Also, what do we call a White Police Office when he shoots at or beats a white drug dealer? (I'm just curious)...
I am proud. But, you call me a racist.
No. I call you proud. Till you prove otherwise with your actions and your words. The same applies to everyone.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
No one intelligent has said that. You just assumed it.
Anyway, something about this particular post got to me... I'm not sure what, but I was irked to high heavens. I think it was the manner in which it was written... I mean, its apparent that the writer just took a bunch of 'half-truths', and strew them all together to give the illusion of fact or credibility... I read the post and many responses for a while, then decided that I just 'had' to say something back...I don't know why exactly... Whatever the case, I got pissed and wrote my own response... I was quite happy with what I came up with. Anyway, I don't want to lose it, so I thought I'd post it here, and in doing so, kill two birds with one stone; I get to not only keep and maintain a record of it, but I get to share it with you guys as well ...
****************************************************************************
YOU wrote:
PROUD TO BE WHITE
Someone else besides me finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this?
There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. and then there are just Americans.
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Spic, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah.
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud. But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
MY Response:
OK, so I'm a 28 year old African American woman, and I agree with everything the original poster wrote about being White and Proud.. A white man SHOULD be able to be proud of who/what he is without fearing backlash from the world. When I stand in front of a room full of people and declare loudly that I am "Black and Proud", I'm greeted with applause and smiles... Were a white man to do that, he'd not only get booed, but he'd probably find himself getting questioned by the authorities looking for a 'motive'... I mean, he'd HAVE to be racist, right? Why else would he have made said declaration...?
So, I say we do something about this... We ask questions and get answers... right? Find out exactly WHY/HOW all of this is able to happen in the world we live in... Here's what we do;
We gather up a team of THE smartest scientists, physicists, mathematicians we can, then commission them to build us a fully functional time machine. After it’s completed, we transport ourselves ALL the way back to 1600s when the first slaves were brought to the Americas. When we get there (or then), we sit those first slave owners down and ask them as earnestly as we can 'WHY' they felt the need to go to a different continent to bring back HUMANS to work for them like animals. We'll ask them WHY they thought it OK to go halfway across the world to uproot and separate millions of families for monetary gain/wealth.
When we're done with them, we'll go a little into the future to a time when slavery has already been abolished. What we'll do at that time is question the 'regular' Americans... You know..? The Average Joes ... We'll ask about segregation and the very many cases of unprovoked violence/murder/crime against people of color... We'll ask them why black children weren't allowed to attend the same schools as their white counterparts... Why a black man couldn't just walk into a nice Caucasian owned restaurant, and ask to be served... That kind of thing, those kind of questions... you know?
Lets be honest with ourselves here... After all is said and done, I doubt that even ONE of those people questioned would give the right answer(s) to any of the questions asked. Regardless of how it’s looked at, or from what angle, it's nothing but greed, laziness, and pure hate that has brought us to where we are today.
You resent your inability to be 'white and proud', you resent the very many minority owned/founded/powered organizations that exist in America today... You point out everything negative that can possibly be associated with minorities... In your blatant ignorance, you even DARE question the African American man's 'march for rights', in an incredibly display of moronic prowess, point out that were you (as a Caucasian male) to do the same, you would be called racist...
I'm sorry... I'm confused... WHAT rights, would you be marching for? I'm just curious...
• Was it not a Caucasian that stumbled on occupied land and YET still claimed it not only as his discovery, but to be his very own?
• When opposition arose from the original land owners (The Indians), didn't these same Caucasians declare them to be the enemy and wage a swift, bloody, and unfair war against them for 'their' land?
• Was it not a group of Caucasians that after settling on said land, decided to travel to the other side of the world to BRING other humans (against their will, I might add) to toil it for them?...
• Haven't these same Caucasians over the years (and to this very day), effectively and swiftly removed ALL that have dared stand in their way? ... If not, to be fair, have they not tried?... So, these rights that have been deprived you... the ones you'd like to march for... what would they be?
Listen, it’s not my intention to start a debate here. This is not the first racially themed post I've read... This one just struck a chord with me because whoever wrote it appears to think he/she is making sense. My goodness people, NO ONE is telling you not to be White and Proud. Has it maybe occurred to you that the reason you don't hear a lot of such declarations is because there's very little need for it? You've had to fight ONE major war for freedom (from the British Empire), and this is celebrated every year on the 4th of July. I mean, think about it...
Ok, A BREAKDOWN:
There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. and then there are just Americans.
Um... Show me someone who's 'just' American, and I'll be sure retract everything I've written on here... Immigrants make up the America of today that we all know and love. Immigrants... (You 'are' aware that Columbus was Italian... right?)... EVERY white American I know today is 'part' something or the other. Even you... the original poster. Just to clarify though, allow me point out that:
African Americans are called that because they originated from Africa.
Mexican Americans are called that because they originated from Mexico.
Asian Americans are called that because they originated from Asia.
Arab Americans are called that because they originated from the Arab Nations.
This one's my personal favorite…
Native (Definition)
1. Being a member of the original inhabitants of a particular place.
2. Of, belonging to, or characteristic of such inhabitants: native dress; the native diet of Polynesia.
3. Being the place or environment in which a person was born or a thing came into being:
1. Being a member of the original inhabitants of a particular place.
2. Of, belonging to, or characteristic of such inhabitants: native dress; the native diet of Polynesia.
3. Being the place or environment in which a person was born or a thing came into being:
So.........
Native Americans are called that simply because they were here first. It was THEIR land...
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK.
No. It's not OK. It's wrong. As a black woman, I can't recollect ONE single instance I've done that..... I've never seen any of my friends do that either…Over the years, I’ve attended schools, visited stores, and walked in public parks… I honestly have witnessed no such incident.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Spic, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
Yes, I do... Yes, I will. Why? Because like the aforementioned words, these are hateful, racist slurs. If however, the day comes when I (an African American) should walk up to you and call you a racist name to your face, PLEASE feel free to call me one back. There should be no exceptions to this rule. None at all... (I do have to say that I do feel like you're reaching with this one as well though... Really. It just doesn’t seem ‘commonplace’ enough to be 'relatable' to, you know?)
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
What's this have to do with anything? Do you HONESTLY think only minorities live in the ghetto? I don't live in the ghetto myself, but I'll tell you this; If I had to choose, I'd pick living in the ghetto - where I'd at least be given the opportunity of identifying and avoiding the dangerous threats, over living in suburbia where my chances of being murdered and decapitated by my seemingly perfect Caucasian husband would go up every time I got pregnant... Scott Peterson, anyone?...
You have the United Negro College Fund.
Yes. Yes we do. What's your point? Have YOU given money to the United Negro College Fund? Have donations to said fund been garnished from your wages? Nope. Do they ask YOU for money? Nope. Also, it might do you good to do a little bit of research before you throw future tantrums. You might be surprised to learn that contrary to its name, the UNCF funds scholarships for students of ALL ethnic groups, NOT just African Americans... (Bet you didn't know that, did you?).
You have Martin Luther King Day.
Yes. We do indeed. A day was set aside to honor a man who took the fight for equality and respect for the American Negro to new heights. What's wrong with that? I should also point out that A LOT of businesses don't acknowledge this day. Bet if you got the day off with pay, you'd take it though, right?
You have Black History Month.
Oui. We do indeed... Maybe you should use YOUR remaining 11 months to learn more about White History.
You have Cesar Chavez Day
Wow... really? Does it make you feel better that this holiday is observed in only FOUR states? And do you HONESTLY view this day as a 'Mexican Day'? *sigh*... Once again, you display your ineptitude for intelligence... are you at least one of those people who won’t eat anything grown, bred, or manufactured on a farm? I hope so, because this day was set aside to honor him as the co-founder of the National Farm Workers Association (which later became the United Farm Workers).
He is considered a hero for farm laborers because his work led to numerous improvements for union workers. So explain to me why he doesn't deserve it...? Or better still; explain to the farmers who are able to accomplish everything they can today, because of battles HE fought.
You have Yom Hashoah.
So what you're saying is that you think it unfair that a day was set aside in remembrance of the SIX MILLION Jews who died in the Holocaust. That's what you're saying? Well, I guess I can see where you're coming from with that... When SIX MILLION Proud, White, Americans are mass murdered, we should DEFINITELY have a day set aside for their remembrance as well... Till then, you should shut up about things like this. I don't get it though... How is this even relevant to your being white and proud? Also, is this EVEN observed in the U.S??? If memory serves me right, it's an ISREALI holiday!!
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
I'm not Muslim, but yes... Muslims have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. It’s the day they celebrate the birthday of their prophet. I believe Christians (yes, even PROUD, WHITE, ones) have a 'special day' they set aside to celebrate the birthday of their foremost prophet/savior/messiah... I think its December 25th or something like that...no? What do they call that again...? Christmas Day, or something like that...
You have the NAACP
*sigh*... NAACP? Really? Are you even aware that some of the FOUNDING members of this organization were NOT black? The founding members were Black, Jewish, and White! If we must get technical though, YES, 'we' have the NAACP to fight for the advancement of colored minorities. There are quite a number of organizations who have been put together to fight for the advancement of the proud, WHITE, majority. They are:
* Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging
* American Front
* American Nazi Party
* Aryan Brotherhood
* Aryan Nations
* Australia First
* Blood and Honor
* British National Front
* Canadian Ethnic Cleansing Team
* Canadian Heritage Alliance
* Combat 18
* Council of Conservative Citizens
* Confederate Hammer Skins
* Creativity Movement (formerly World Church of the Creator)
* Forsyth County Defense League
* Hammerskins
* Heritage Front
* Hrisi Avgi
* Ku Klux Klan
* Libertarian National Socialist Green Party
* National Alliance
* National Association for the Advancement of White People
* National Socialist Movement of Denmark
* National Socialist Movement (United Kingdom)
* National Socialist Movement (United States)
* Nationalist Party of Canada
* Northern Alliance (White supremacist organization)
* Imperium Europa
* Patriotic Youth League
* Russian National Unity
* The Order
* The Posse Comitatus
* Tri-City Skins
* Vigrid
* Volksfront
* Western Canada For Us
* White Aryan Resistance
* White Citizens' Council
* White Patriot Party
I rest my case.
You have BET. If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists:
We sure as heck do! I don’t have a Satellite dish so I don’t get as many channels; I have Digital Cable (Without Showtime), and I want to say that I receive about 200 channels. Of these 200 that I get on my TV, only ONE is targeting the African American population. ONE. Does it change things a little bit that BET is owned by Viacom who also owns MTV?... I mean, do you feel a little better now?
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists:
I covered this way earlier. Darn those WHITE homosexuals though, huh? They get to be white and STILL have something to march about.
If we had White History Month, we'd be racists:
*sigh*... Dude, you're awfully redundant, don't you think?
If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
You make no sense here. I already pointed out that there is NO one organization intended SOLELY for non-whites.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?
Not you. These organizations are non-profit, and survive off of donations, grants, and sponsorships. What’s your point?
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
Again, there are no 'Black Only' scholarships. Ooooh, you're not going to like this one, but there are actually 114 historically black colleges in the United States which vary between two year and four year institutions and public and private funding. Let's explore why:
Historically black colleges and universities were established before 1964 with the intention of serving the African American community. Why? Well, because the PROUD, WHITE American refused to have Negros attend the same school as him and his children.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists:
See paragraphs 2 & 3
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
No. No, we don't. It's when you announce it with little or no tolerance, regard or respect for other ethnicities/races that we call you racist. That makes sense, right?
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
Wow, darn those blacks and their crimes! They should learn from their white counterparts... The ones who shoot and kill innocent kids in schools... The ones who go out of their way to assassinate US Presidents and iconic musicians... The ones who kill their children in cold blood and blame it on postpartum depression. The ones who kill their wives and unborn kids then go fishing... Also, what do we call a White Police Office when he shoots at or beats a white drug dealer? (I'm just curious)...
I am proud. But, you call me a racist.
No. I call you proud. Till you prove otherwise with your actions and your words. The same applies to everyone.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
No one intelligent has said that. You just assumed it.
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