Candy High

My son has just returned from a trip to the circus in Providence with his dad, and I swear the child's trying to channel a bouncy, rubber ball... The kid's so freaking wired, he can't stand still for a second. The first words he uttered - no... I'm sorry, he 'uttered' nothing... He bellowed. The first words he bellowed as he cannon balled into the house were: "MUMMY, GUESS WHAT?!!!!!... DADDY GOT ME LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF COTTON CANDY!!!!!"..

He said something else right after, but I couldn't hear him 'cause my ears were still ringing from his earlier attempt to break decibel records.I turned to his dad who's standing by the door with a sheepish smile on his face, and I swear, I just want to pummel him.

I hear a whirring sound behind me, and thinking he's playing with the vacuum cleaner, turn around to tell him to stop... No.. it's not the vacuum cleaner. The sounds coming from my son who's running circles around my tiny apartment faster than the speed of light.... OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little... just a little though.

I bid Billy adieu and slam the door shut behind him. I sigh and turn around to deal with the kid who's now singing the jingle to that K9 Advantix commercial... You know the one I'm talking about? With the cute little puppy perched on the tire singing "There ain't no bugs on me"... yes? Ah Well, my son's just running around in circles singing that ONE line over and over and over... except he's moving so fast, (and saying the words equally as fast) that he almost sounds like he's buzzing... like a fly or a mosquito... *sigh*...

I've never seen him this hyper before, and I have no clue how to handle it... I just stand there and watch what looks like a blur race around the apartment. Just when I'm thinking I'm going to scream, the inevitable happens. Jacob runs head first into the end table in the living room. He runs into it with such force that the entire table literally falls apart. (I'd like to say really quick though, that it'd been a little shaky... but still..!). The lamp slams against the wall and shatters into like a million little pieces, books and papers are flung in every direction. It was freaking crazy.

How about Jacob?... Think 'Bowling Pin'. The kid literally slammed his head through the table and into the wall, producing a loud, solid, stomach wrenching, 'crunch', after which he proceeds to topple over sideways like a freaking bowling pin. Literally... body stretched taut and everything. OH.. MY... GOD.

Now, all what I've just described must have happened in less than 3 seconds or something.. To me though, I swear, EVERYTHING was moving incredibly slow ... even sound seemed to slow down for those 3 seconds... It was crazy.. I felt like I was in a movie or something.

Anyway, I dart towards him as fast as I can, but 'just' as I reach him, his little body bounces right back up and scares the living shit out of me. Literally bounces like a freaking yo yo... or one of those blow up punching back things that kids love... you know the ones I'm talking about...? The kind you fill the bottom with sand or water...? Yep.

Well, the kid jumps right up and proceeds to barrage me with a slew of words that are shooting out of his mouth so freaking fast, that they all come out sounding like one long, jumbled word of total rubbish. It's almost as if someone's taken my son's mouth and replaced it some sort of... verbal sub machine gun...capable of firing about a million words a minute or something...

"I'm okay mommy!Wowthatwasfun! IfeltlikeBen1owhenh eturnedintofourarmsand had to fight that alienfrommars!wow!didyouhear my head hit the wallommy?itkindoffeltgood. imsorryimade a messcanicleanitup?pleasepleasepleasepleaselet ecleanitup!i candoagoodjobrmemb erhowicleanedmyroomonsaturday?pleasemommyplease?!!!!!!!!!!"...

Woooow. Not one single breath or pause between words. When he's done, he take a loud, deep, breath and .... stops. Just like that. I'm staring at him (almost nervously) and he's staring at me. For the first time since he's walked into the house, there's quiet... None of us says anything for about 20 seconds or so... I'm not sure why he's quiet, but I know why I am... I'm shell shocked and traumatized.

Finally, I ask him very quietly if he's OK. He says he is, and tells me his head hadn't hit the wall like I'd thought. I tell him about the crunch I heard, and he giggles as he points at my box of crackers now laying on the floor in pieces. Nevertheless, I pull him into the bathroom and examine him thoroughly from head to toe...

Turns out he was right... he hadn't even broken the table with his head... He'd slammed against it with his thigh. After I'm satisfied that hes not bleeding or hurt, I tell him its time to pick up the living room, then take a shower. He agrees with me, and starts to pick up all his stuff from the living room while I cleaned the glass from the broken lamp.... I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye as he's doing this, and I can literally see him coming down from his sugar high...He's crashing hard.

The rest of the night has gone by without incident. He did a a GREAT job with the living room (He was so proud of himself, he made me take pictures... lol), took a shower, and flopped on the couch. He could barely keep his eyes open by this time...He's in bed now... Passed out cold... Thank God!... Now its my turn to go to bed. I've been sick for the past couple of days, and needed this experience tonight like a freaking bullet to the head...

That was some scary shit tonight... I really thought he had hurt himself really badly... Thank God he's OK...

I want to kick Billy... Hard.

Crashing REALLY hard

I was very proud of him. He put all the DVDs back, and picked up all the crap that was scattered on the floor everywhere. He did a great job! :=)...