I'm Cool...

I was standing in line at Stop and Shop today when I bumped into my old friend Matt... Matt. I met Matt about eight years ago when I worked as a telemarketer at dial America in Warwick, and we hit it instantly... His sense of humor matched mine to a T (which is saying a lot, 'cause I'm just weird), so we were constantly giggling about something or the other. His assigned 'call seat' was right next to mine, and we would find ourselves chatting between calls about pretty much everything and anything. He was about 6'5, head full of startlingly red hair, and a face covered with freckles... (Sometimes when things got really slow, we'd attempt to count them - his freckles... Yeah...I doubt that I even need to point it out, but smoking copious amounts of weed was a favorite past time of ours back then).. Basically, you get the gist... He's 'good peoples'..

Anyway, so I bump into Matt today. It was great. If possible, he looks like he's gotten even taller. We do the whole 'catching up' thing... We hug and compliment each other on how ''good you look'' numerous times... We talk over each other excitedly, laugh a little too loud to compensate for the fact that we each feel a little nervous.. Nervous or not though, it's great to see him. We trade email addresses and cell phone numbers... We express surprise that we're both T-Mobile subscribers and make dumb jokes about the fact that we get to talk for free... You know how it is, right? A whole bunch of words get thrown around with very little being said... small talk... All of a sudden, out the blue, he goes:

"Hey, wasn't your birthday in May? The 17th? The big two nine, huh? Wait... Did you get to go to Foxwoods (Casino) for your 21st birthday like you planned? I remember you wouldn't shut up about it!"

Two things strike me as he says this. The first is shock that he remembers my birthday, and the other is this incredible feeling of dismay at the realization that I 'didn't' go to Foxwoods for my 21st birthday like I'd planned to... It had been such a big thing to me too... I try to remember exactly why it was that I didn't go, but nothing comes to mind... (couldn't have been that important then, huh?)...

"No actually", I answer quite slowly... "I didn't end up going"....

"No way!" He yells, "What happened?!"

.... "I don't know...I honestly don't know... I can't remember"

"Well shit happens, right...? don't sweat it... At least you've been, right...? What does it matter when?"

....."Um... dude... You're not going to believe it, but I actually haven't gone yet... I've never been to Foxwoods..." (Feeling more and more like a failure with every word)

"NO WAY!! Monie, it was such a big deal to you!!"

...."I know....." (My heart has sunk so low at this point, I can almost feel it beneath my shoes)

"So what'd you end up doing for your 21st then? Did you get shit faced? Remember how you kept having me promise that I'd come get you if you got too drunk to drive home...?!"

*sigh*... "um... no... no, I didn't get shit faced"....

"WHAT?! What did you do then?!"

"... I don't know... I don't remember... Not only that, I've never gotten shitfaced before... Not once..."... *sigh*

Different, mostly indiscernible looks pass over his face as he's listening to me speak, but the one I pick up on is pity... I can see it on his face that he feels bad for me, and even though DEEP inside me, I know he has no real reason to, I can feel (almost see) myself cross over into defensive mode... I'm talking a mile a minute about my life and things I've accomplished thus far... I show him pictures of my son so he can see how healthy and happy he looks... I tell him about my job.. my apt.. my car... my car payments... my new phone... shit, I even find myself telling him about the food timetable/schedule I've drawn up for Jacob and I for the week... Don't ask why... I don't know...

We talk some more about a bunch of nothing, then we each have to leave... He makes me swear that I'll call him, and/or answer the phone when he calls... I do, we hug, and we each walk to our respective vehicles. I'm watching him out of the corner of my eye hoping to see him headed toward the beat up 92 Accord in the corner... Nope... Matthew climbs into an 06 Infinity truck and drives out the lot... *sigh*.

I sit in my car for a little while, just thinking... All of a sudden, all these memories come rushing back... I remember how... excited I was to be turning 21... How full of life I was... I had all these plans... all these things I wanted to do with/for myself... Things I wanted to experience... places I wanted to go... All of this sounds pretty cliche, doesn't it...? Yeah, I feel that way too...

Driving to go get Jacob, I'm getting more and more depressed. I pull into the parking lot at his daycare center and punch in the security code to get in... As I walk into his class, I see my son standing there talking to his friend Josh. When he sees me, he jumps up and rushes to me...

"Mommy, didn't we go to see Transformers yesterday? You and me? Tell Josh, he doesn't believe me..."

So I did. I told Josh I had taken Jacob to see Transformers yesterday.

"See?!" Crowed my son... "I told you... I have the coolest mom in the world!"

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, made EVERYTHING better. :-)

Jacob and I leaving to go see Transformers yesterday (7/4)...

PS: THAT MOVIE WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPS: I love my cousin Buki... I'm aware of how completely random this is... I do though. I love her to death. :-) She left for Jand earlier today, so I'm assuming she's landed already...

Omo, If you read this, IM me or something... I know say na agro carry you reach there... just do small small, abeg... You know say those ibo boys no dey play! LOL

She's going to kill me for putting her business out there. lol...